I Am Weak: A Personal Reflection

   At times, we all feel out of control. I wrote the following as a personal prayer and meditation. I decided to share it with the hope  that it encourages you. I frequently meet with people in counseling sessions who have strong desires and fears, and feel out of control and even powerless. I often ask them, "What do you do when you feel out of control?" This is simply me being honest about a few ways I feel out of control, while seeking to go to the One who is all-powerful.  
_______________
 
I DESIRE that my boys grow up strong and healthy. I want them to be honorable men of character who love Jesus and love others sacrificially. I CAN strive to encourage, discipline, and teach them. I aim to spend time with them and tell them in word and action that they are valuable. However, I CANNOT change their hearts. I cannot cause them to trust in Christ and turn from their selfishness. Heavenly Father, I am weak and need you.
     
I DESIRE my wife to know she is loved, and I do not want her to experience harm. I want her to know you intimately and be able to rest. I CAN lock the doors at night and install a security system. I can work hard and provide for my family, although I need God to bless my efforts even to do that. I can tell my wife I love her as I seek to serve her. However, I CANNOT ensure that harm doesn't come her way. I cannot keep her healthy.  Heavenly Father, I am weak and need you.
     
I DESIRE those I have the privilege to counsel to experience growth and increased health. I want the marriages that are falling apart to be put back together. I want those that are hurting from loss to heal. I desire those battling addiction to experience sobriety. I hope for the depressed to experience peace and joy. I CAN care for them by asking good questions and expressing true empathy. I can stay up to date on the latest research, skills, and counseling theory. I can encourage them, challenge them, and pray for them. However, I CANNOT turn a husband’s heart toward his wife and vice versa. I cannot cause a hurting spouse to find the strength and courage to forgive. I cannot break the power of addiction. I cannot make a cold and insensitive heart warm and caring. I cannot lift one’s mind and heart out of depression. Heavenly Father, I am weak and need you.
     
I DESIRE Sojourn Church and all Gospel-believing churches to flourish. I want our church planting efforts in Cochran to result in many people finding true hope and joy. I want our Warner Robins campus to see continued growth and maturity. I want to see our members love and serve each other as they do life together. WE CAN prepare and try to think of everything that needs to be done to launch in Cochran. We can study the Bible and preach the Word with passion and conviction. We can do our best to make opportunities for service and involvement. We can pray. However, WE CANNOT cause one single heart in Cochran to turn to the Spring of Living Water. We cannot cause preaching to result in any heart or mind change at all. We can’t cause the Gospel to capture our own hearts or the hearts of those who have not believed it. We are weak, and we need you.
     
I DESIRE to have an intimate relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I want to experience the peace and hope that Christ brings. I can study the Bible, pray, be in community, and partake of other means of grace. However, I CANNOT even open my own eyes to the hope, power, and glory of the Gospel. My heart drifts. I lose desire even to pursue intimacy with the Lord. My default is to seek control and take care of things myself. I cannot convict myself of sin. I cannot even cause my own heart to continue beating. Heavenly Father, I am weak and need you.
     
Father, thank you for the desires you have given me. Even the things I can do, I do so imperfectly. My best efforts are still lacking the power to produce change. Thank you that you do use my efforts to accomplish beauty, redemption, salvation, and healing. Thank you that at the end of the day, I can trust that you are able and you are wise. Thank you for the Gospel. Christ came, lived a perfect life, died the death I deserve due to my selfishness, and rose in defeat of death’s power. Thank you that Jesus has said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Heavenly Father, I am weak and need you!