Four Ways To Fight Adultery Before You Are Married (Adultery - Part 3)

  If you do not begin fighting infidelity until you have already begun an inappropriate relationship, you have started the fight too late. I would even argue that if you start to fight infidelity on your wedding day, you have started too late. There are healthy patterns you can establish before you say “I do” that can give you and your future spouse increased confidence that you will be faithful to one another.

1.     Have physical boundaries in your dating relationship, and honor those boundaries.

     If you and your significant other cannot honor the sexual boundaries you have set in your dating relationship, you do not give each other confidence that you will be able to honor your sexual boundaries (no sex outside of the marriage) when married. The couples I meet with in premarital counseling that give me the most confidence are those that say, “Of course we want to go further sexually, but we have agreed upon boundaries. Even when we feel that we want to cross them, we don't out of love for and commitment to God and ourselves.” They have proven to one another that they can feel sexually tempted without pursuing or giving in to the temptation. I am not saying that you need to break up immediately if you have messed up together sexually. I am saying that you ought to slow down and consider whether you should marry the person you are dating if you or your significant other has proven a lack of sexual self-control when tempted.

2.     Stop looking at pornography.

In the fantasy land of pornography, you get to pick and choose a different sexual partner each time. Sex becomes cheapened, because there is no relational investment before a sexual experience. I do not want for you to get married with a bent towards desiring new and different sexual partners. I do not want you to get married with a pattern of viewing sex as something to be had outside of a committed marriage.

3.     Don't cheat on your significant other or date those that do.

If you cheat on your significant other before marriage, you get used to deceiving and being unfaithful. It is not uncommon for couples to come to counseling due to an affair who first got together when one was married or in a serious relationship. If they cheated on their last spouse or significant other to be with you, what gives you confidence they wont cheat on you when things get hard? God does change lives, and someone who has cheated in the past can become faithful. However, you have reason to slow down and consider if you or your significant other has a past of cheating. Pursue marriage with someone who honors his/her commitments even when it is hard and the grass appears greener on the other side.

4.     Learn to healthily face conflict in all your relationships.
Many marriages that experience affairs are poor at resolving conflict. This causes them to drift apart through the years until they feel distant and discontent. Do not sweep conflict and hurt feelings under the rug when you are dating. If you do not regularly talk honestly, kindly, and graciously about conflict and struggles with friends, family members, or your significant other, what makes you think you will be able to do so with your spouse?
     
Pursue faithfulness in your marriage before you are married. What you are doing and who you are becoming in your singleness will affect your marriage, for better or for worse. If you consider and apply these for ideas, it may spare you and your future spouse the heartbreak and destruction of adultery.