Posts with the category “marriage”

  If you have a friend that is going through an affair, you can be a huge help and blessing or a source of further pain and heartache. I want to share with you the type of friend that I hope and pray surrounds those I am counseling through affair recovery. These principles may be broadly applicable, but I am specifically thinking about how to be a good friend to the faithful AND unfaithful spouse ...  Read More

  “I feel so weak. If I were strong I would leave him/her. If I don't leave my spouse, does that mean I am weak and needy?” I often hear words such as these when walking with a husband or wife whose spouse had an affair.     Let me be clear! You are not weak for seeking to work towards healing, reconciliation, and trust in your marriage. It takes strength to forgive, grieve, have hard healing conv...  Read More

“What in the world do we do now? We are not prepared for this.” That is what I typically hear in the first counseling session after an affair is confessed or discovered. Understanding the basics of what it takes to recover from an affair may help you empathize with a friend, or it may help you have a clue where to start if you ever find yourself in affair recovery. Having counseled couples after i...  Read More

  If you do not begin fighting infidelity until you have already begun an inappropriate relationship, you have started the fight too late. I would even argue that if you start to fight infidelity on your wedding day, you have started too late. There are healthy patterns you can establish before you say “I do” that can give you and your future spouse increased confidence that you will be faithful t...  Read More

Helping couples fight for their marriages through the excruciating pain of adultery has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. That being said, I would prefer for the affairs to never have happened. There are many signs that you are in danger of having an affair, but I've noticed two that are almost always present and reasonably easy to discern. Please know that I am sharing this to lovin...  Read More

It is hard to get up-to-date and accurate statistics on adultery, because many affairs are probably not discovered or reported to questionnaires. However, many researchers suggest that adultery affects more than half of all marriages nationally.     For this reason and more, I am writing a series of blogs about adultery. I plan to release one blog each day this week. “Well, definitive numbers are...  Read More

  Marriage, in many ways, is similar to gardening. You cannot plant a garden, neglect it, and expect to have a healthy garden a year later. To have a healthy garden, you will need to invest significant time pulling weeds, keeping out pests, planting, watering, and fertilizing. A few times a year, you will need to devote significant time (a weekend, day, or half-day) to working in the garden. Every...  Read More

 Type "most common arguments in marriage" into Google and look at the research. Money is near the top of every "what couples argue about" list. Most of these lists include money, sex, children, in-laws, cleanliness, and a few others. Why is money so often a source of tension? If it is a source of tension in your marriage, what can you do about it?     Money is frequently a source of tension, becau...  Read More

What does "I love you" mean? Some say it all the time, and others feel weird saying it at all. When you say "I love you," what do you mean? Your answer to that question matters greatly. When Jesus was asked what the most important commandant is, he responded, “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second ...  Read More

 I did not learn how to apologize until I was in graduate school a few years ago. As part of my counselor training, I was watching through a two-way mirror as one of my supervisors did couple's counseling. When he explained to the couple what a true apology is, he was also counseling me without knowing it. I believe God used that moment to make me a better child of God, husband, father, and friend...  Read More

 Without a doubt, I have had more clients come to counseling for pornagraphy issues than any other single issue. They have come in to explore how pornography affects their marriage, spiritual life, emotional health, and more. My purpose here is not to write a research paper, but I simply want to give you this counselor's view of some of the harmful effects of pornography. Hopefully this will keep ...  Read More

After graduating college, a different friend seemed to get married every weekend. One of my favorite parts of this season was a tradition that developed among my friends. During the bachelor’s party, we had a “serious time.” We typically sat in a circle and gave encouragements, shared marriage advice, and thanked the groom for his friendship. We always prayed for God’s blessing on the marriage.   ...  Read More