If you do not begin fighting infidelity until you have already begun an inappropriate relationship, you have started the fight too late. I would even argue that if you start to fight infidelity on your wedding day, you have started too late. There are healthy patterns you can establish before you say “I do” that can give you and your future spouse increased confidence that you will be faithful t...  Read More

Helping couples fight for their marriages through the excruciating pain of adultery has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. That being said, I would prefer for the affairs to never have happened. There are many signs that you are in danger of having an affair, but I've noticed two that are almost always present and reasonably easy to discern. Please know that I am sharing this to lovin...  Read More

It is hard to get up-to-date and accurate statistics on adultery, because many affairs are probably not discovered or reported to questionnaires. However, many researchers suggest that adultery affects more than half of all marriages nationally.     For this reason and more, I am writing a series of blogs about adultery. I plan to release one blog each day this week. “Well, definitive numbers are...  Read More

  Marriage, in many ways, is similar to gardening. You cannot plant a garden, neglect it, and expect to have a healthy garden a year later. To have a healthy garden, you will need to invest significant time pulling weeds, keeping out pests, planting, watering, and fertilizing. A few times a year, you will need to devote significant time (a weekend, day, or half-day) to working in the garden. Every...  Read More

The word "forgiveness" is used frequently in church, movies, and song lyrics. However, meeting with individuals and couples in counseling has taught me that many struggle to understand forgiveness. When I hear that someone is struggling to forgive,  I frequently ask, "Well, what is forgiveness? What is it that you are struggling to do?" Many respond, "You know, like, just forgive." Then comes the ...  Read More

   At times, we all feel out of control. I wrote the following as a personal prayer and meditation. I decided to share it with the hope  that it encourages you. I frequently meet with people in counseling sessions who have strong desires and fears, and feel out of control and even powerless. I often ask them, "What do you do when you feel out of control?" This is simply me being honest about a few...  Read More

 The children in the movie were laughing hysterically at the funny voices and humorous jokes. I was analyzing the psychology of the movie while also seeking to enjoy the date night with my wife. It is advertised as a children's movie, but I believe the producers were seeking to influence and teach the adults that brought the kids to the movie. As a counselor, I loved this movie! There were more t...  Read More

Those things in life that have the greatest power for good also are able to cause the most pain and suffering. Sex. Fire. Fathers. Those are just a few things that come to mind when thinking of things that can cause both great joy and terrible harm. Yes, mothers could be put in this category, but today is Father's Day. Sex can be a beautiful and powerful expression of love and can produce precious...  Read More

 Type "most common arguments in marriage" into Google and look at the research. Money is near the top of every "what couples argue about" list. Most of these lists include money, sex, children, in-laws, cleanliness, and a few others. Why is money so often a source of tension? If it is a source of tension in your marriage, what can you do about it?     Money is frequently a source of tension, becau...  Read More

What does "I love you" mean? Some say it all the time, and others feel weird saying it at all. When you say "I love you," what do you mean? Your answer to that question matters greatly. When Jesus was asked what the most important commandant is, he responded, “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second ...  Read More

  Think about your best childhood friend. You likely have great memories with this person, and he or she has had a huge influence on your life. Consider the qualities that made this person your best friend. Was is that he was faster, stronger, and better than everyone else? Was it that she was the smartest or best looking? I doubt it. I bet you bonded over common interests, and you felt like you c...  Read More

 As a Christian counselor, I often tell people that it is okay not to be okay. As I walk with those struggling with depression, difficulties in their marriage, loss, addictions, etc., I encourage them to let themselves be emotionally affected by their pain instead of denying the truth of how they are doing.  I ask them to take off the "I am fine" mask and tell the truth. At the same time, I seek t...  Read More